Fading Away
by DawnOfTheLastDay
Summary: Prompt fill: Lexa's always been a fighter, which has got her into some pretty bad situations. Clarke is the privileged girl who found something out and ran from her problems, never looking back. What happens when four months after Clarke's disappearance, Lexa happens across a blonde fighting for her life.


_I recommend listening to some Susanne Sundfør for this one. Trust Me, Memorial, and/or Darlings. Or the whole Ten Love Songs album if you get through those three before finishing this._

_Prompt: Lexa's always been a fighter, which has got her into some pretty bad situations. Clarke is the privileged girl who found something out and ran from her problems, never looking back. What happens when four months after Clarke's disappearance, Lexa happens across a blonde fighting for her life._

* * *

Lexa had always believed that everything exciting started with a bang. Everything from the first episode of new TV shows, to good books – which, admittedly, she didn't read often – to fights. The good kind though; the kind where people were getting paid for beating up others for the entertainment of regular people.

If you had told Lexa that, while walking home from training at the gym later that night, her elementary, middle, high school, _and _adult crush would resurface after disappearing for over four months, Lexa might have punched you in the face. Then kicked you in the stomach and punched you in the face again. She was nothing to joke about, and Lexa would be damned if she let anybody get away with joking about her.

If that had actually happened, and she had actually punched you twice and kicked you once, she would have had to find you the next day and apologize, because you were right.

Lexa carried her gym bag over her shoulder with one arm, walking down the damp streets quickly. Part of her wanted to sprint home and save herself some time, while another part wanted to go to a bar and get a drink. But her trainer had been very strict with her on what she was allowed(read: _not allowed)_ to do until her match tomorrow. No drinking, no excessive eating, no running the risk of injury. Which meant that really the only thing she was able to do was go home and go to sleep.

But just as she was about to open the door to her apartment complex, a loud bang and a scream emanated from somewhere behind her. Out of instinct, she dropped her bag and spun around, searching for the source. A shout, and Lexa had enough to figure out where it was coming from. In an alleyway across the street, she spotted the silhouette of a man, illuminated just enough by the streetlights for Lexa to notice him. Lexa didn't even think, she just sprang into action. She sprinted across the street, nearly tripping a few times on the slippery pavement.

Now, Lexa was most definitely a "Tackle first, ask questions later," kind of person. She didn't like to delay the inevitable by talking, and to be honest, it was perhaps embedded in her genetics as much as she was raised with it. So, that's what she did. She tackled the man with enough force to knock down a four-hundred pound bear, and as soon as he hit the pavement, she had him in a choke hold. She applied pressure carefully, and about five seconds later, the man was limp and it was safe to let him go.

Lexa sighed in relief and stood up, looking down at him for a moment, realizing that he had a small caliber handgun in his possession. She shivered, turning her attention away from him and to the woman cowering in fear a few feet away.

Lexa carefully inched towards her. She couldn't see her face, she was too far in the shadows for that, but Lexa could tell that she was breathing heavy and shaking and utterly _terrified. _"Are you alright?"

She didn't reply, only continued to stand there. So Lexa walked closer, until she was about a half foot away. "Do you live around here?" the woman shook her head, and Lexa thought she was beginning to make out wisps of blonde hair. "Do you have somewhere to stay?"

She shook her head once again. "Do you want to stay with me?" Lexa asked carefully.

It took her a moment to answer. "If that's okay with you?"

"Of course." Lexa said, slipping her arm around the woman's shoulders and leading her out of the alley. They crossed the street, and while Lexa picked up her abandoned gym bag to fish out her keys, she glanced up at the girl once again.

She recognized her instantly.

Her heart stopped.

She felt tears prick her eyes.

"Clarke," she breathed, deserting her keys and pushing herself up, wrapping her in a hug. She crushed Clarke to her, refusing to let her go, not again – not ever again. She inhaled the scent of Clarke's hair, memorized the feel of her.

"Lex," Clarke wheezed out, "you're… crushing… me…."

Lexa let go immediately, still holding Clarke's shoulders as well as her eyes, needing to keep some kind of connection with her, physical or otherwise. Lexa was sure she felt a tear burning down her cheek. Clarke's face was gaunt, her eyes looked nearly dead, and she looked as though she hadn't eaten or slept for days. "W-where have you been?!"

Clarke's eyes grew sad, "Can we talk about that later?"

Lexa's throat closed up and she wasn't able to talk, so she just let go of Clarke and led her into the apartment complex and to her home. Lexa offered Clarke a glass of water and sat her on the couch, then went about making her something to eat because she just _couldn't stand _to see Clarke like this. The entire time Clarke was fretting at her, telling her she didn't need to do this, that letting her stay here was enough, but in Lexa's eyes it wasn't. Because even though Lexa was still a tiny bit mad at Clarke for leaving in the first place, she couldn't just let her sit there and starve as it looked like she had been doing for days, _weeks, _now.

Finally, after Clarke had finished her meal, she looked at the floor and bit her lip. "I'm sorry."

Lexa just stood and held out her hand to Clarke, pulling her up and leading her down the hall to Lexa's bedroom. Lexa pointed to her bed. "Go to sleep, Clarke."

Clarke just looked at her, distraught, once again. "I'm so, _so _sorry." She said again.

Lexa sighed and pulled Clarke into another hug. "There's nothing to be sorry for. I am sure you had good reasons." She chanced pressing a kiss into Clarke's hair, then pulled back and rubbed Clarke's arms from shoulder to elbow slowly. "Now go sleep. You look like you could use it. Want me to get you some sweatpants and a tank top to sleep in or something?"

Clarke nodded, looking down at the floor again.

* * *

The next morning, Lexa was up earlier than usual, so she decided to make breakfast, something she hadn't done in a while. Normally, she would go out and get something on the way to training, or at the least she'd grab an apple or a banana and eat it on the way if she was running late. Lexa just didn't enjoy cooking enough to do it on a regular basis.

But she couldn't get the image of Clarke from last night out of her head. She had looked almost like a skeleton, like she had been starved. Lexa had to help Clarke, she had to at least help her get some meat back on her bones. She didn't exactly know what was going on with her, why she had run away and why she had never contacted anybody in her inner circle during her four month disappearance, but Lexa had decided late last night that she would be there every step of the way for Clarke's recovery. She loved her too much to desert her.

When Clarke trudged out of Lexa's bedroom a bit later, Lexa met her with a cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes and bacon. "How are you feeling?"

Clarke rubbed her eyes weakly. "As well as can be expected." she took her hands from her eyes and noticed the food on the table.

Lexa followed her with her eyes as she sat down and picked up her silverware. "How well can be expected?"

Clarke kept her eyes on her food. "Not well."

Lexa didn't pursue the question on her mind, instead she let Clarke finish her food. She didn't want Clarke to feel pressured, she wanted Clarke to feel safe with her. She wanted Clarke to feel safe enough not to run away again.

But if she was to do that she had to ask.

"Why did you disappear, Clarke?"

Clarke froze. Lexa could tell that she made her uncomfortable.

"Please Clarke. I _need _you to tell me." Lexa pleaded. She stood from her chair and kneeled beside Clarke, wishing she could curl her fingers around her hands.

She could see the muscles in Clarke's throat tightening and releasing. She opened her mouth, and it sounded like she was trying to force out words. Nothing but a few strangled sounds came out. She buried her face in her hands and Lexa could hear her sobs.

It took a long time of Lexa holding Clarke's head to her chest, of Clarke's tears wetting her shirt and of Lexa pressing short kisses to her head for Clarke to calm down. Lexa led Clarke back to the couch, guiding her to lay down taking a spot on the floor where she could look into her eyes.

"What can I do to help you?"

"Nothing." Clarke said, turning onto her back and wiping away her tears. "I'm fading away."

Lexa's eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean… fading away?"

"Cancer."

It was a whisper, and Lexa was certain that she didn't hear correctly. She was sure she must have said something, _anything, _other than cancer at first. No, no this wasn't right. This couldn't be true. She couldn't be serious. Her blood grew cold, her fingers numb and the light dimmed from her eyes.

Clarke's raspy laugh filled her ears and echoed through her head. "It's funny. I ran away so I wouldn't have to tell anyone, so I could die in peace and not worry any of you guys."

Lexa still couldn't believe anything that Clarke was telling her. She couldn't, she _just couldn't. _Clarke had just come back. She couldn't be leaving again. She couldn't do this to her. She _just. Couldn't. _

"Four months ago I was told I have breast cancer, that it had metastasized, that I had four months to live." Clarke sighed, her arm flopping down over the side of the couch. "And here I am. Four months later."

"Why didn't you tell any of us," Lexa said when she got her voice back. "We would have helped you."

"Don't you see Lexa? _I don't want anyone to help me._" Clarke said, attempting to push herself up but unable to. "I just… I've accepted it, Lex. I've accepted it."

Lexa just sat there on the floor, next to Clarke. She took Clarke's hand and held it to her lips. She refused to let it go.

"Although I have to admit. Dying alone is extremely depressing. Almost as depressing as being told that you're going to die in the first place."

"Then let me be here for you, Clarke." Lexa whispered gripping her hand tighter. "Let me be here for you until the end."

"Okay." Clarke spoke to the ceiling, eyes squeezed shut and tears tailing down them.

"Should I get your mother on the phone? Octavia, Bellamy, Raven, Finn?"

"Yeah. I guess I should talk to them."

As Lexa pulled out her phone, she noticed the time. She cursed under her breath. "Clarke, I've got a big match tonight, and I have to be at the gym soon."

Clarke opened her eyes and peer at Lexa. "Match? You got spotted finally?"

"Yeah, I got recruited by one of the best trainers in the country. If all goes well," Lexa smiled down at her smugly. "I'll boxing in the next Olympics."

Clarke smiled at her for the first time since Lexa had seen her. Lexa thought that it almost helped to distract her completely from the thinness of her face and the bags under her eyes. "Well where can I get tickets to this match?"

* * *

The woman that Lexa fought was hardly a match for her. It was a slam victory, won in near record breaking time. Her trainer thought that perhaps she shouldn't have gone so all out on the poor girl, that she maybe should have let her think that she had some semblance of a chance, but to Lexa that wasn't an option. Part of her was doing this fast as to get Clarke home. If it was true that she could… _die…_ at any given moment, Lexa had to be at her side at every passing second.

She got Clarke home quickly and, even though it was only nine-thirty, Clarke went out like a light. As she left Clarke tucked, once again, in her bed and in her clothing, Lexa stepped outside to make phone calls. She called them in order of who would freak out the most, those who were most likely to hang up and appear at her doorstep as soon as they found that Clarke was with her were called last. So the order was: Octavia, Raven, Bellamy, Abby, Finn.

Octavia mostly expressed her concern and asked if she should call and tell Bellamy for her, wanting to ease a bit of Lexa's load. She told her that she would call him herself. Octavia then went on to convey the extent of her disbelief at how Clarke could hide that she knew she was sick for so long. She asked if it was okay to come by the next night because she would have to work during the day but she'd be damned if she went another night without seeing Clarke again.

With Raven, Lexa couldn't get words out at first. Raven was too busy congratulating her on her win tonight, going on and on about how she knew she could do it and how she was going to call but she didn't know if Lexa was home yet. She was finally able to blurt out that Clarke was back, and Raven immediately went silent until she managed to ask when she had come back and where she had been. To which Lexa just answered that Clarke was very sick. Raven said she would be coming by in the morning before her shift started.

Bellamy asked if she was safe mostly. If she looked okay and if Lexa thought she would make it through the night. He made sure over and over that it was okay to come by at noon during his lunch break instead of coming right now. Lexa told him that Clarke was asleep at the moment, and he agreed that he should come in the morning. She told him that she would make certain to call him first if something happened.

Abby sobbed. Her voice cracked when Lexa told her that Clarke was with her, and it shattered when she said that she was terminally ill. She apologized profusely for not being able to keep it together, and apologized to Lexa for having to take this on. Lexa said it was no problem, and Abby said she would come by at around two tomorrow afternoon to see her. As Abby was about to end the call, Lexa told her that it would all be okay. Abigail Griffin couldn't reply quickly, she just said thank you and good night and ended the call.

Then there was Finn. She had been dreading calling him, and part of her had really hoped that she catch him while he was sleeping so she would get his voicemail. That way he would come when he got it, because there was no doubt he was going to come as soon as he heard that Clarke as back. And that is exactly what happened. He didn't even wait a second after hearing her say that she was home. The problem was that he interrupted her just as she was about to explain that she was at death's door. The conversation went something like this(though admittedly much more awkward, her and Finn weren't exactly the best of friends):

"Finn?"

"Hello Lexa."

"I found Clarke yesterday."

"What?!"

"Yeah, and listen, she's-"

"I'll be right over."

The dial tone sounded as Finn hung up the phone and Lexa clicked her teeth. She sighed, going back to her room and pulling up a chair next to Clarke. She held Clarke's hand, and stood vigil until Finn started to bang at the door.

She kept him outside, locked the door before slipping out of it, didn't let him go in because he would no doubt disturb Clarke and she needed all the rest that she could get at the moment. He attempted to push her out of the way and kick her door down, but she stopped him by pulling one of his arms behind his back and pushing on it, growling in his ear. "Clarke is _sick. _She is _sleeping. _You would do well to go home and come back in the morning."

She let go of his arm and turned him around, pushing him back the way he came, making him stumble. He spun back and snarled at her, "Let. Me. See. Her."

Lexa shook her head and held her ground. For that, Finn slugged her in the stomach.

She grunted in pain, clutched her midsection where there was a wicked bruise forming and hunching over for a moment. When she got back to her senses, she sprinted at him, tackling him the to the ground like she had with the man who was attempting to rob Clarke the night before. When he hit the ground, she had a fist ready for his face, and just as it was about to connect with his nose, the red haze from her eyes cleared and her fist came to a screeching halt.

Chest heaving, she straightened her back, pulling on a mask. She tugged Finn up with her when she stood, she held his arm behind his back painfully as she walked him out of the complex. She gave him a hard nudge when he wouldn't move from the door, and slammed the door in his face after saying, "Leave now before I refuse to let you see her."

He snarled at her again before he finally staggered off, rubbing his shoulder as he got into his car again and drove off. Lexa sighed and went back to her post.

* * *

Raven was the first to come over the next day, with Finn in tow. The two had been a couple for a long time, that is before Clarke came by and stole his heart – which was a pretty common occurrence now that Lexa thought of it. Finn had broken up with Raven after knowing Clarke for a few weeks, and Clarke had been disgusted with him for it. They never got back together after that, and Lexa knew that Clarke felt terrible about it.

Clarke wasn't actually awake when they arrived. Lexa made them some coffee and talked to them about the specifics of what she knew. Mostly she just ended up telling them about Clarke's illness, about how she was terminal and just about any day now could be gone. She told them what _not _to ask about – her cancer, where she had been, why she had run away, why she hadn't told any of them. Lexa made sure that they knew how badly Clarke felt about her decision.

That was when she heard a thud from her bedroom. Lexa jumped up, dashing to the room and shoving the door open. Clarke was on the floor, twitching as she tried to move. She helped her up, helped her get back into bed, fretted over the covers and asked repeatedly if she was alright, if she was cold, if she needed anything.

"I-I was trying to go to the bathroom…" Clarke said when Lexa asked what she was doing.

Lexa's features softened, and she carefully untangled Clarke from her blankets, helping her stand with Clarke's arm around her shoulder and Lexa's own around her waist. She looked sternly at Raven and Finn as they hovered in the doorway, and they immediately backed off, retreating back to the living room.

Lexa decided it would be best to let Clarke stay in bed while everyone visited. So after she tucked her back into bed, she told them they could come in. Clarke greeted them weakly as they slowly and cautiously made their way into the room. Raven stood closest to Clarke, holding her hand and smiling at her. Finn on the other hand, stood further away under Lexa's watchful eye, gaping at Clarke and occasionally murmuring out an, "Oh, Princess…"

Unfortunately for him and Raven, time passed quickly, and Raven admitted that she was going to be late for work. She asked if she could make this a regular occurrence, if she could come by every morning, and Lexa nodded her consent. It would ease her and Clarke's mind's both if her friends came to visit often. It would help Clarke to feel more like she was leaving this world surrounded by Lexa love and her friends affection.

Lexa stayed in with Clarke all day, sitting by her side and simply watching over her.

A few hours after Raven and Finn had left, Clarke turned her head to Lexa and whispered. "Do you remember when we were in elementary school… and you used to threaten to beat up the older kids if they… if they…" Clarke licked her lips weakly, trying to wet her throat. Lexa stood and helped her sit up to drink.

"I used to threaten them whenever they'd bully you. Because your dad was in jail and they used to think that made it okay to make fun of you."

"And in middle school you would help me with my math homework…"

"And in turn you tutored me in science."

"There was that one time that you… I hurt myself in track… and you wouldn't let me- let me carry my books until my ankle healed." Clarke turned her head back to gaze at the ceiling. "I remember when you punched Bell in the face just because he said that you wouldn't."

Lexa found herself chuckling, of course Clarke would remember some of the times when she found herself to be most weak and embarrassing. "I have quite a few things I remember about you. There was that time in third grade where you got in trouble for taking the charcoal out of the art room, and you cried until the art teacher just let you have them. I remember in school the next day you smiled at me. You were missing one front tooth, and you said 'I had them in the palm of my hands the whole time!'" Lexa found herself smiling as she thought of that memory, it was perhaps one of her favorites. She heard Clarke laughing breathily.

Bellamy came next. She let him in and watched as he took off his hat and eased himself down into the chair by the bed. He said his hello's and touched her hand lightly, placing his palm over the back of her hand. He told her how brave she was being, how proud of her he was, how he wished that she had gotten to see Octavia's wedding last month. Lexa decided then that it would be in her best interests to step outside and get some air.

When Bellamy came outside and was about to leave, he noticed her standing outside the complex, and he laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you, for looking out for her and for taking care of her."

Lexa just nodded. Bellamy gave a curt nod back and walked away, back to his car and back to work. Lexa took one last gulp of fresh air and pushed back inside.

Abby's visit went about as well as expected. Lexa knew better than to be in the room when they reunited. She didn't want to see Abigail with tears streaming down her face, she didn't want to hear her anguished cries – even though she still heard them through the walls – and she most definitely didn't want to see the look on her face when she saw just how far gone her daughter was. Lexa had an idea, and seeing it confirmed in a doctor's eyes wasn't going to help Lexa.

Abby requested to stay and talk to her daughter for another hour at least. Lexa granted it. She used the time to take a short nap and eat an grapefruit.

When Abby was about to leave, she pulled Lexa outside. She took a deep, long breath. "She's not doing well."

Lexa nodded. "I know."

"I think I should take her to the hospital. Or to her home, at least."

Lexa felt her lips twitch and her eye narrowing. "If she had wanted to go there she would have asked me to take her by now. Or gone there in the first place."

Abby was persistent. "Clarke's not in her right mind at the moment. I've seen it many times, cancer patients close to the end start to lose their sense of who they are."

But Lexa was resilient. "Abby, while I respect the fact that you _are _Clarke's mother, there is no sense in picking her up and moving her when she's already so fragile."

Abby searched Lexa's eyes for a moment, then relented. "I'll be back tomorrow."

* * *

There was a long time between Abby's visit and Octavia's. Clarke spent the time either sleeping or asking Lexa questions.

"Do you think we'll see each other again?" Clarke rasped out.

"I do, Clarke." Lexa responded. "I think that we have always known each other. That we always will know each other. Perhaps, in another lifetime, we will live happily, with no repercussions."

"What is living happily to you?"

Lexa's hand rubbed over Clarke's, and she looked down at her face. She looked even worse now than she did when Lexa first found her two days ago. But, despite the thinness of her hair, the pale of her skin, and the breathiness of her voice, she was still the most beautiful woman that Lexa had ever seen.

"Living happily is living it like tomorrow will never come. It is spending it with friends and spending it doing something that fulfils your hearts desires. To me, that would mean boxing, and living life with you, Clarke."

Lexa watched Clarke's chest rising slowly and shallowly. She turned Clarke's arm over to test her pulse. It was fading.

"I guess I really should have realized that…" Clarke paused to catch her breath. "That I love you earlier…"

Her pulse stopped.

Her eyes closed.

Clarke exhaled.

Her life faded.


End file.
